She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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