Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
