U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
