I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
