I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize