Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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