So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
