Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
