i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
