Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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