matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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