When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize