Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
