just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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