I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
