Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
