I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
