You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
