Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There's always time for handjobs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
