i think my tv is drunk
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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