Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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