its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize