Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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