My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
