you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
As shirtless as possible
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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