apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
