At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
