oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
