So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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