Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
