When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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