hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
