My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
