...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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