i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
