2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
