this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
