please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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