The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
