How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone came in the potted fern
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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