A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
not ubering you a puppy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
