I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
