I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize