Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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