No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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