She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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