recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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