you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
