i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
