DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We left the knife in your bed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
