We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
