Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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