Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
