shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.