If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
