so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"