and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that