i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i now understand why vodka