At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
