for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
