Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
