Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
