The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
