Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
