i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
