i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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