Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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