trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
