the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
