so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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