I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Randomize
