I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
